an unwanted promotion.

in the weeks before pierce was born.
i had visions of my two boys hugging & loving one another
from the very first minute they met in that hospital room.

i thought. surely. the second patrick saw his very own baby brother.
he would adore him & be proud to be a big brother. 

i was so wrong. 
oh let me tell you. 
these past three months have been tough. 

patrick most certainly did not want to be a big brother. 
he did not want to meet him. he did not want to hug him. he did not want look at him.
& he most definitely did not want to share his cars with him. 

patrick was gifted an unwanted promotion.

the weeks that followed pierce's homecoming
were overflowing with tears times three.
baby tears. big brother tears. & mama tears.

there were tantrums.
exponentially worse than the normal two year old. 
these were terrible-two-meets-only-child-wannabe- tantrums. 

if i was holding pierce. patrick stated put him away! put him down, mama!
if i said oh, look at the funny face pierce is making . . .
patrick would deliberately look the other direction. 

at first it made me a bit sad.
why didn't he love his baby? why didn't he even care to look at him?
to tickle his toesies. or to giggle at his little noises?

and why was my facebook newsfeed flooded with other brand new big siblings
that were holding. hugging. smiling. kissing. their new babies. 

i kid you not. patrick would literally not lay eyes on baby pierce for the first 6 weeks.
forget about hoping for a hug or a kiss. 

was i doing something wrong?!

should i have read more books to him about
becoming a big brother or bringing baby home?

should i have gotten him a toy doll to pretend like he had a baby?

should i have spent more time talking about what was in my big tummy? 

had i simply just spoiled this only child rotten to the core?
to the point of no return? where he thinks the world revolves around him?
and i was going to have a snotty crabby tyrant for the rest of my life?

dramatic. i know.
but us moms sure know how to blame ourselves & question our mothering.

& then i realized.
he is just like me. just like you. 
he is just like everybody in this world. 

and change is hard. 
change is hard for all of us.
especially for a two year old. 

his itty bitty world had been rocked. 
& he is {still} learning how to deal with it.

i tried several different tricks to foster the brotherly relationship. 
i'll give you a lollipop if you give pierce a hug.
come pinch pierce's nose. it will be funny. 
will you show pierce your favorite dinosaur?
oh look. pierce is waving at you. 

& then after several weeks i finally gave in.
i realized that it would only happen in patrick's timing. 

i stopped trying to force his love on baby pierce. 
we all know forced love is not love at all.

i stopped trying to get his approval of having a baby brother. 
i know that one day it will make him so very proud.

i stopped trying to bribe. to beg. to entice. to trick.
none of that worked. 

i simply loved on patrick. 
loved on his broken little heart.
loved on his selfish little soul.

i made sure to have one-on-one time with him.
just to play. just like the old days. 
{the good old days if you asked him}

& i let him work through this little bump that turned his world upside down. 
while i rested in the peace of knowing that this will pass. 

pierce is three months old tomorrow. 
we still have a long way to go. but we are slowly making progress. 

at this point patrick is used to. and quite comfortable. with pierce being around.
if pierce is in the other room patrick will sweetly ask 
where's baby pierce?!

i know that in some way. having pierce around is patrick's new normal. 
& while that is the extent of their friendship at this point. 
i am ok with that. 

i know that one day my sweet patrick boy will be so grateful 
for his unwanted promotion to big brother. 

he just doesn't know it yet. 

1 comment:

  1. I could have totally written this post. Our youngest son just turned one and our oldest son is 3. We went through the exact same things and just like you realized that the beautiful relationship we imagined would happen right away...may take some time. Now at 1 and 3 we are seeing little glimpses and every day seems better. Hang in there is hard on our hearts but such a blessing to be able to raise two sweet boys through the good times and the hard times!


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